Disconfirmation

As teachers, it's imperative for us to be able to recognize these barriers, not only in ourselves, but in those with whom we have stewardship, our students. They both perpetuate and are victims of these barriers. We see it every day in classroom and playground behavior, those who bully and ignore, and those who are bullied and isolated. Here is our chance to step in, engage and teach how both can bring down the barriers and improve relationships.

Disconfirmation is the disregard of another. We do this to people with whom we're afraid, with whom we do not want to engage. In my story I wasn't alone. There were three lanes of cars full of people doing the same thing, exacerbating the affect of disconfirmation. 

William James noted, "No more fiendish punishment could be devised than that one would be turned loose in society and remain unnoticed by the members thereof."

Students can get pretty adept at selective disconfirmation. It's one thing to be ignored by another, only to be exacerbated to be ignored by a group, isolating and diluting identity of the one being ignored.

The cure is to drop the "dis." It's confirmation, acknowledging the presence of another both verbally and non-verbally. Confirmation one's presence is a simple as a greeting and a bump or handshake, yet it validates the presence of the other, a fundamental in developing relationships.